GLASSHAMMER.ORG

No glass, no hammers and the '.org' certainly doesn't stand for 'organised'. Not very useful then.

Thought for today: before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Yesterday's thought: There are two rules for success in life...
Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.

Tomorrow's thought: Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.

We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.

homer . fight

How to Sing the Blues Starter Kit (life does the rest)

• Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
• "I got a good woman," is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman with the meanest face in town."
• The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ..sort of: "Got a good woman... with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
• The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: you stuck in a ditch, ain't no way out.
• Blues Cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the runnin'. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
• Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
• Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
• A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz a' alligator be chomping on it is.
• You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
• Good places for the Blues:
  a. Highway
  b. Jailhouse
  c. Empty bed
  d. Bottom of a whisky glass
• Bad places:
  a. Harrods
  b. Gallery openings
  c. Charity fund raising events
  d. Golf courses.
• No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a' old black man, and you slept in it.
• Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
  a. you're older than dirt
  b. you're blind
  c. you shot a man in Memphis
  d. you can't be satisfied
• No, if:
  a. you have all your teeth
  b. you once were blind but now can see
  c. the man in Memphis lived
  d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.
• Blues is not a matter of colour. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues
• If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
  a. wine
  b. whisky or bourbon
  c. muddy water
  d. black coffee
• The following are NOT Blues beverages:
  a. mixed drinks
  b. Cabernet Sauvignon
  c. Snapple
  d. Perrier
• If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot.
• You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
• Some Blues names for women:
  a. Sadie
  b. Big Mama
  c. Bessie
  d. Fat River Dumpling
• Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Phoenix, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
• Some Blues names for men:
  a. Joe
  b. Willie
  c. Little Willie
  d. Big Willie
• Make yer own Blues name (starter kit):
  a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
  b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
  c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
  For example, Blind Joe Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Willie Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
• I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it - with fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care.